Regrets….

I saw a Yahoo article about a mother who wrote about regretting her kids.  She said in the post “Still, I wished no harm on Stuart and invested every ounce of my energy in caring for him. Even so, I know my life would have been much happier and more fulfilled without children.”  I asked myself “filled with what?”  I am not saying that my life is “filled” with my children but I can guarantee that if they were not in my life it would not be “filled” with anything good:)

She does go on to say that “What I valued most in my life was time on my own; to reflect, read and enjoy my own company and peace of mind. And suddenly that peace and solitude wasn’t there any more. There were two small interlopers intruding on it. And I’ve never got that peace back.”  That being the case she should regret being married more that the children.  Also, how is it that she never got it back, especially when she confesses no real bond with her kids?

Don’t get me wrong, I am not judging her.  No, really, I am not.  I just want to point out the fact that SHE SO IDIOT.  She mentions several times in the post that did things on purpose that she knew she did not want to do…. That leads me to one of my favorite sayings from a good friend: “Lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way.”  Amen.

Why post about this?  Mainly because I think we all fall victim to this mentality, even me.  Another good friend loves to say that many of us live our lives like we arrived 40 minutes late to the movie of our life.  We know that something important is going on, but we are not sure what that is or what to do about it.  We are also not sure if the characters in our movie are for us or against us.  And what is the plot?

I actually appreciate her relative self awareness.  What I don’t like is the complete apathy for the fact that she did all this to herself.  She even demanded on raising her two parasites herself.  So what is better?  I would argue that having already having children she should have paid someone to help raise them that actually wanted to do it.  It reminds me of the stay at home parents that do it because the “have to.”  Now I get it if you are fired and you then stay at home till you find another job but if you actually choose to raise your kids then please don’t say you “had to.”  It lacks accountability.

I constantly tell the kids “they did not make you do this.”  I do truly believe that we each choose our own actions.  I even tell them “you may have frustrated me but it was my choice to yell at you.”  As Eli said in the movie The Book of Eli: “you always have a choice.”

Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.
Cullen Hightower
In the space between yes and no, there’s a lifetime. It’s the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it’s the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are; its the legroom for the lies you’ll tell yourself in the future.
Jodi Picoult

Al

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